week off from school. yayyyyyyy 14.2.26

Oh right, and valentine's day too. I kinda forgot

My winter break started today. as of writing this, it's almost 6 PM and I haven't reallyyy.... done much

I was supposed to go to the library to study today, but I was lazy and stayed home instead. then I was supposed to study math and chemistry but I was lazy and went on my phone instead. doing what, you might ask?

idk tbh I watched youtube videos with headphones that hurt my ears and I thought about coroika. oh yeah coroika!!!!! I have an AU? of sorts related to the memverse. In my small sketchbook I've been drawing a little comic about it. of course, it's incredibly messy and amateur, but I really like it! I feel like for me, it's easier to imagine or figure out things visually. or uh... how do I explain it? It's easier for me to start doodling something than writing something..... yeah, I have no idea where I'm going with this.

Ok this part is me talking about the school psychologist and also ranting about a teacher I dislike feel free to skip this portion

This next part is something I dont really know how to start with, or explain, or just... anything. To put it simply, I went to the school psychologist. I wasn't sure what to expect. It was.. something, for sure. I honestly feel safer revealing my worries here... I mean, I'll try to limit it when I can. I know that the school psychologist said that the things we talked about won't be revealed unless I want them to be, but honestly, I'd rather play it safe. I talked about feeling lonely although I sort of regret it now because everything (or, well, the main things) are logged in a healthcare... thing. sorta like a diary for keeping track of psychologist visits I dunno I'm not a professional. I should maybe try and find if there is a way for me to ask my info to be deleted. It really wasn't anything drastic, but still. anyway, the exceptions in which the things must be told are if:

So then, how do they categorize dangerous and/or illegal things? What if I said the wrong thing by accident and suddenly things would go south? What if I told the name of the teacher I disliked and that teacher would be notified behind my back? okay well... THAT probably wouldn't happen but you know, If I tell something, there's no taking it back. Besides, I'm (almost) sure that the teacher knows already from how much I try avoiding them. Secretly I'm hoping the teachers from other classes talk about how I seem more engaged in their lessons and the teacher that I dislike gets weird whiplash. Another reason for why I think that they might know is because I refuse that teacher's help BUT explicitly told a different one that I have a hard time asking for help so if it looks like I might need it, it's okay to come and ask. So like. If they ever talk in the teacher's lounge, SURELY that would come up??? I don't really care for many of the teachers here, but this one i seriously dislike. Also their teaching sucks. Or that might be my bias

A book I'm reading (for school)

On a more positive note, I started reading this one book. Okay, sure, it's for school, BUT!!!!!! and this is a HUGE BUT, I'm actually enjoying it! I can't remember the last time I enjoyed reading something for school that wasn't 'the outsiders' (great book btw. I made one of my presentations about it!).

This book is written in both the perspective of a mom and her son. Her son also writes blogs, which is actually kinda the entire reason I chose this out of the list... Something about the way that the writing isn't always so perfect (since we're talking about a guy writing on the internet) makes it so much more enjoyable to read, I imagine because it's more relateable? THE MOM'S PORTIONS ARE ALSO GREAT!! I'm not a mom nor do I have a job so I can't say much about understanding it, but at times her thoughts seem to be all over the place and I get the impression that she's tired of her boss. I was gonna say tired of her job, but it seems like she does enjoy her job and work.

Her portion also had one of my favorite small paragraphs I've ever read. This might be a bit odd but it read like one of those custom lorem ipsum texts. I thought about the cat ipsum. In the paragraph she looks in the mirror and puts on a smile and tells herself to forget herself. "Like that. That smile, exactly that smile, You will use at the dinner table. Every night, remember. You will speak and smile with familiarity". (My translation of the last few sentences are probably off. This also isn't the full paragraph :'P )

I'm really happy that I'm enjoying this book. Call me illiterate, but the only published books I've frequently found myself enjoying are.... Dork diaries and diary of a wimpy kid. oof. Oh right, I liked the outsiders too, but I haven't thought about it in a while so I don't really know if it counts, especially since it was for school and I don't read much outside of school..... Though this current book is making me feel inspired to actually read in a way. And I guess it goes without saying, but I really love the splatoon manga as well. I wasn't sure if I should mention it or not because it's a manga and not just words.. but I like it so much so that I figured it should maybe get a mention at the very least.

(I went on a huge tangent when talking about the books I've read, so I copy-pasted that tangent here: I really enjoyed first-person diary/journal-like text... actually, that was pretty much the only things I'd look for when I was younger. I also liked reading the tom gates and big nate books-- yet again, first-person styled like a diary books. huh. it was either diary books or graphic novels.... I really liked the graphic novels by raina telgemeier. then at some point I was searching for books where the main character goes through loneliness. I can't remember the name, but in one book the main character has no friends and is crushing on some guy. she draws this sort of popular/idealized version of a girl in scenarios she was in, and it going better for the drawn girl than her. But I got extremely ticked off when at the end she befriended someone. the guy, I presume. Maybe I should go looking for the book. THIS REMINDS ME!!!! When I was in maybe third grade, I LOVED math. I still like it but it's harder for me now. so anyway, I read this book called do the math 2: the writing on the wall. It's actually the second part but I didn't know that then cause the cover didn't mention the 'do the math' part I think. I know I borrowed it just cause of the math elements and i dont remember much except there was a classroom that burned and the main character found clues(?) of the arsonist on a wall where the guy wrote stuff in math. the girl bought spray paint to paint a flower i think on the wall and then got in trouble cause the principal was searching for who was doing graffiti on the school property and they found the spray paint in her locker. WAIT SPEAKING ABOUT FIRST-PERSON DIARY-LIKE TEXTS!!! ISN'T THAT BASICALLY BLOGGING? you know, in a way?! DOES THAT MEAN THE BOOK I CHOSE NOW IS STILL REMINISCENT OF THE DIARY-LIKE FIRST-PERSON BOOKS I ALWAYS ENJOYED?! AND ALSO THE FACT I FIND BLOGS LIKE THESE ON THE INTERNET FUN TO READ AND??!!!!!!!!!!!! it feels like I've had a revelation of sorts..... woah. okay im overdoing it but idk there's surely a connection.)

Thank you for reading (3